Anxiety, Oh Anxiety!

Did you sing that to the tune of a Christmas Carol (Oh Christmas Tree) like I did? No? Try it! Doesn’t it make anxiety sound so much more appealing and tame? Hahaha! Look ya have to find the wins big and small!

So, I wanted to dig a bit deeper in my context today and really unveil some things that you may/may not know about me. 

Obviously, my name is Sara. I’m 32 (almost 33 next week — woo woo) and my husband Tommy and I have been married for 12 (almost 13) years. We have 4 children: T – 11, Sophia – 10, Mila – 7 (about to be 8) and Jameson – 6 (about to be 7.) We also have 2 huskies — Loki & Freyja. My husband is an active duty Marine and he also coaches wrestling. My oldest two wrestle currently and my youngest two are still finding their groove on what they want to do. 

I’m telling you this so you can see that I’m just like every other mama out there. I have to-do lists for my to-do lists and a copious amount of specialty doctor appointments (which I’ll discuss on the blog as well) and teletherapy appointments (again, this will be discussed as well.) Please know that if I’m posting about anything mental health wise I have already spoken with the parties involved and have their consent. I even asked my daughter for her consent and navigated through where her comfort level lies in her story. Some of these blogs are already written and just waiting for me to publish them.

Wanna know a secret? It’s taken me over a decade to finally write a blog. In fact, it’s actually taken 3 years of someone I trust deeply to truly convince me that I should do a blog. Why did it take so long? A number of reasons!

Just like most people, I was anxious and nervous at what I would say. Did anyone even care what I had to say? I have been told I’m easy to relate to and I don’t make people feel judged, but were they saying that just to be nice? Who knows! I’m still new at this and I’ll be honest, I question if I should continue it at least once a day. That’s that fun mental health stuff! But here I am chugging along with my coffee and writing a blog about my anxiety of a blog. Oh the irony! Haha

I didn’t want to start the blog most recently because I felt like I was making so many decisions and choices based out of emotion. Now emotions are fine and great, however, when you can’t critically think because they’re clouding your judgment you can become quite the liability. I felt like I was a liability to myself. Read that again… I FELT LIKE I WAS A LIABILITY TO MYSELF. What the heck!? How is that even possible?! Well, I did it sooooo ya, and if I’m being honest I still technically am somewhat.

I didn’t want to open myself up and be vulnerable in my ‘weak spots.’ Yes, I have weak spots despite some people thinking I don’t. I also (wait for it….) have feelings *GASP.* I know, I surprised you. This blog is going to be (and has started to be) a place of extreme transparency. I’m going to discuss Motherhood in it’s entirety. 

What does that mean? It means I’m going to discuss my mental health and there will be not so pretty moments where I just need to recharge and be left alone with some carbs, a weighted blanket and some crime shows. It means that I’m going to expose my most vulnerable area of my life which is parenting. I honestly believe that most parents this is their achilles heel. If you’re being honest with yourself, I doubt you feel like you are a perfect parent. Now, this same thought is what makes you a GREAT parent because you’re willing to learn and stay open-minded every single day. I apologize to my kids (especially kid 1 because boy oh boy do the oldest get the raw end of the deal! – Poor kid, I made him eat lima beans, tomatoes and other veggies for snacks as a younger child where plain cheerios were a treat.) By the time kid 4 came around he and kid 3 were finding mini pancakes that I have no clue how long they had been where they were because I hadn’t made any in weeks! #momgoals I know!

So yes, parenting is a very vulnerable position for any parent. I am going to let you in to my view of motherhood. I’m not going to lie, it’s a win/win for both you and me. My hope is that it allows you to feel relatable to me and my family. I don’t want anyone to feel alone. Parenting is hard for real! It truly does take a tribe. I also find this very therapeutic and my heart that desires to give is getting that ‘I’m helping’ feeling it so badly craves. 

I will NOT accept any parent-shaming on any form of social media. I whole-heartedly disagree with it and I know how prevalent mental health is (even more so now with COVID) so I hold a zero tolerance policy. Parenting is hard enough without a bunch of people judging you. So I want this to be a safe space. I will respect you and your wishes. You can maintain anonymity if you don’t want to share your personal information, just message me and let me know! 

You’re also going to see me do this tango of marriage and the military lifestyle. See, there’s this saying ‘if the Marine Corps wanted you to have a wife they would have issued you one.‘ I’ve heard it numerous times in my life and many others like it. It’s partially true, but truly just depends on your spouse’s leadership. I will let ya know a little secret, homecomings have zero depiction of the reality of our lives. I truly believe we take photos of those moments to remind us when we’re down in the trenches and resentful, cursing the deployment days that we do kind of like that person and maybe we can calm ourselves down for a few more weeks. 

I will also be addressing physical health. Y’all can ride the ‘Hey I’m in my 30s and my body hates me‘ train with me as I learn how to fuel my body and mind in a healthy manner. That does mean that I’ll be discussing alcohol and sobriety. I am 95 days sober today. I would rather go through life sober, believing I was an alcoholic, than go through life drunk, trying to convince myself I’m not. Now remember, I said I would respect you and this is a place of no judgment. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with enjoying some wine or a drink now and again, it’s just not the right path for me. However, I definitely just bought the husband 2 bottles of whiskey for his promotion and a whiskey gift subscription for Christmas, so please don’t feel guarded if you drink. I promise, I’m not going to shame you.

Ironically, I’m still super anxious regarding this blog and I don’t know if that will ever change. But hey, I’ve started it and I’m pushing onward. I also have set up some great filters between myself and the post/product you see when I make a new post. I have a ‘person’ (Grey’s Anatomy Term) that is handling a lot of the tech stuff and editing. I also have my husband doing the same regarding editing. They’re not really checking my spelling or grammar (Marines don’t know how to spell, fun fact!) but they’re checking my flow and vulnerability. I can easily write 2-5 blogs in a day, but when I write the heavy ones, (y’all they’re heavy!) I like to have someone review them so I’m not off an emotional tangent of some sort or have a squirrel moment.

I need to write them though; for myself and hopefully for you. I want to talk about what everyone is scared to talk about. I want to inspire families to have the difficult conversations. I want parents to know it’s okay to not like your kid all the time. Poor kid 1 man he and I didn’t like each other for about 6 months until I learned the art of him needing a nap. I want spouses to know sometimes you’ll have to give 100% cause your spouse is drowning in another aspect of their life and it doesn’t mean you aren’t meant to be, it simply means it’s going to take work! Anything worth having takes WORK! That’s true for parenting and marriage. 

In between I’ll be dropping little parent/mom hacks and fun blogs about travel, vacations, wrestling etc. I am always open to requests and I promise to be an open book. If 2020 has taught me anything, it’s that the world needs more direct, open and honest people. We need to embrace a tribe/village mentality and stop with all the shaming. 

So welcome again to my blog. Raw and uncensored. I hope you stay awhile, make yourself comfortable and maybe invite a few friends or family members also. Thank you for being here and make sure to subscribe so you’re notified when a new blog is posted. If you haven’t already, go follow me on IG at Sara Marie (@simplysarastrong) • Instagram photos and videos

2 thoughts on “Anxiety, Oh Anxiety!

  1. THIS!! The primary purpose of my blog is to normalize vulnerability because I too struggle from anxiety about being “good enough” etc… I found that talking about my insecurities though helped me more than anything else. It is freeing to blog and to get it all out!

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