Who am I? If you had to tell the world who you are, or about yourself, in one word…
What would you choose?
Mother. Wife. Human. Sister. Friend. Aunt. Cousin. Niece. Granddaughter. Child. Survivor. Victim. Co-worker. Confidant. Inspiration. Failure. Successor. Believer. Pessimist. Optimist. Cheerleader. Athlete. Enemy. Villain. Liar. Cheater. Fighter. Advocate. Lone Wolf. Loser. Winner. Anomaly. One of a Kind. Leader. Includer. Hard Worker. Employee. Boss. Christ-like. Sinner. Giver. Forgiver. Client. Patient. Student. Teacher. Coach. Person. Acquaintance. Follower. Subscriber. Abuser. Abused. Respectful. Well-Mannered. Mistake. Broken. Caretaker. Abandonment. Adoption. Abuse. Trauma. General Anxiety Disorder. Acute Stress Disorder. Major Depression Disorder. Addict. Alcoholic. Drug Abuse. Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Trustworthy. Loyal. Mental Health Illness. Sexual Abuse. Rape. Molestation. Verbal Abuse. Physical Abuse. Emotional Abuse. Narcissism. Victim. Villain. Victor. Obese. Overweight. Reliable. Stressed. Determined. Ambitious. Sporadic. Grounded. Intentional. Deep-connecting. Rooted. Strict. High Expectations. Under Promise. Over Deliver. Christian. Sinner. Strong. Brave. Courageous. Invincible. Overwhelming. Analytical. Expressive. Supportive. Supporter. Dedicated. Adaptable. Resilient. Focused. Forgotten. Confident. Feared. Alive. Numb. Puppet. Invivo-Therapy. EMDR. Real Life Exposure Therapy. Xanax. Wellbutrin. Fluoxetine. Buspirone. Zoloft. Migraines. Severe Pain. Spondylolisthesis. Tension. Weighted Blankets. Essential Oils. Forgiving. HGH. Physical Injuries. Mental Injuries. Coping Skills. Inpatient Therapy. Outpatient Therapy. Weekly Therapy. Scared. Respectful. Respected. Renowned. Ground Techniques. Unwanted. Desired. Taken for Granted. Afraid. Needed. Death. Short. Direct. Assertive. Introvert. Extrovert. Salesperson. Flashbacks. Night Terrors. Defensive. Worrier. Beautiful. Drunk. Tipsy. High. Zombie. Sober. Biological. Half. Step. Adoptive. Family. Stranger. Statistic. Intuitive. Integrity. Trainer. Helper. Lover. Hurt. Alone. Betrayed. Slander. Defamed. Aggressor. Passive. In. Out. Teammate. Trauma. Tragedy. People Pleaser. Coward. Skinny. Fat. Muscular. Underdog. Military Spouse. Dependent. Suicide. Judged. Supervisor. Manager. Owner. Tenant. Associate. Producer. Creator. Used. Influencer. Influenced. Humble. Kind. Mysterious. Apologetic. Blessed. Soft. Powerful. Wise. Old Soul. Fierce. Protector. Enabler. Guardian. Goddess. Queen. Powerful. Weak. Pain. Suffering. Hero. Fearless. Quiet. Intense. Calm. Independent. Loud. Extra. Big. Selfish. Selfless. Gracious. Grateful. Thankful. Organized. Chaotic. Young. Old. Alpha. Independent. Beta. Quiet. Loud. Active. Fun. Charismatic. Chivalrous. Polite. Open-Minded. Close-Minded. Texan. Triggers. Meditation. Self-Love. Self-Hate. Motivated. Motivator. Wild. Free. Crazy. Calculated. Strategic. Resourceful. Authentic. Raw. Real. Exposed. Unfiltered. Vulnerable. Prepared. Beginning. Hated. Intelligent. Athletic. Mom Bod. MILF. Unique. Overachiever. Hermit. Recluse. Cold.
365 days, 52 weeks, 12 months, 4 quarters, 1 year. SOBER.
One year ago I made the decision on my own to execute some lifestyle changes and truly change my story. What better way to celebrate my 1 year then with a Warrior photoshoot?! I have seen so much in my 33 years alive starting with day 1! I am taking all my experiences to forge me into who I am today.
Above you can find many words for which you associate with me, some good and some bad. However, when I made the decision to take my life back after living a life entirely centered on making someone else happy, I was blessed with more than anyone could imagine.
I made the first step on my own. No one knew I was doing this. I stood up for myself and decided to not only FIND OUT what the life I want to live is like, but also CREATE it. I have a million excuses, some would even say justifiable reasons, on why I can stay ‘numb’ either medicated or self-medicated based on the past, but I’m choosing the pain of facing everything 100% sober and learning healthy coping skills to better assist myself, my family and others regain their lives back too.
I never planned to live…
What I haven’t shared is the raw, reality of my situation. What I’ve gained with this past year of revelation is the will and desire to grow old. I’m not convinced I will die young nor lose more loved ones young. I am hopeful to grow old, get wrinkles, be a grandma that annoys the shit out of my kids. For the first time ever, that I can remember, I am excited for the future! I am planning retirements instead of worrying about teaching my kids and husband how to manage without me. It’s a weight off my shoulders that brings an abundance of tears. To say this ‘out loud’ and finally be truly vulnerable and brave is a feeling incomparable.
Shoutout to Godseye Studios LLC for capturing my vision and to April for the stunning hair and makeup. Outfit courtesy Target.